God has been taking me through this process
I found hope thinking it was preparation for something else.
You know. David in the wilderness. The pressure before the palace, the crucible before the crown
But I found liberation thinking maybe the wilderness is home
Maybe there was no escaping
Maybe the point was to be brought to a place where I get to witness the wonders of God daily. Mana
But then God never designated the wilderness to be anyone's final destination.
That almost dispelled my mind of the peace it stumbled upon.
I’d like to think it’s okay to depend on Mana for the rest of my days.
After all, wouldn’t that be the ultimate miracle?
The ultimate arrival at a place of contentment and reliance.
I’d have arrived at the spiritual place many men only dare dream of
Then it hit me. Even that is fear
So what? Back to thinking this is just a preparation? I don’t like that either.
But somewhere between half-charing my wife's pancakes and listening to Gary Tan talk about wasting $100K on AI tokens to live a normal life in 2028
It hit me that neither of those states is the point
If I live today to its fullest, in boring routine, on the highs or in the lows
If I tell my wife she’s awesome
Give my daughter a kiss
Wear my favourite black T-shirt because why not?
Do the things I need to and the ones I want to
If I tell my friends I’m proud of them, celebrate with them
Tell my God how grateful I am to see the sun
If I live today as though it is not a waiting room for tomorrow
Then it doesn’t matter
Whether this is the destination or the transition
Because neither manna nor the storehouse of Joseph nor the land of milk and honey will change the fact
That I’m here now
And He is here with me.
